Monday, March 26, 2007 @1:42 PM
im back.. i was unable to get some sleep.. and yea i know i didnt blog for quite a while cause of the google thing..
i was thinking something deep, was i filial,am i fit to call myself a son of others or am i even fit to call my dad, dad?or mom, mom?.
i could recall vividly, that time it was during primary sch, my family was having a financial crisis, my dad went bankcrupt. because of some family disputes over the business.my dad put on a fake smile and say everything was ok.during that time i had a report card of red marks. failure was all over the report card. i was embarassed. when i was in the lift, i heard this shocking news it was my grandfather, he died.
its a tripple blow, or rather 2 blows first.cause i didnt show him the report card. cause its really sucky, i was ashamed.
well my grandfather was a good man, he taught me to be straight.or im crooked now. if without him ill lose in this paralex word of chaos without knowing wheres my aims are.it was him that made me woke up from being a rascal in the house. or should i say, a better attitude guy,if not ill be arrogant as an ass speaking shiat out of this crap.
during the wake, i was with my group of cousins, they attended the wake and stayed at my house for the 7 days. my aunt told me, my grandfather doted me the most, and also worried about me the most cause i was the black sheep(lousiest in study, attitude all those,) moral values and all those, which caused me semi awake. back to my cousin thing, we shared alot, and we all agreed that my grandfather was a good man, he brought union in this family,(except that bankcruptsy incident) he was the reason why are we cousins so united.
i should say i have the best set of cousins,grandfather, parents,friends.relatives. they refined me to be a better person.
i felt myself as a failure both a loser.as i done myself wrong,i didnt let my grandfather go in peace. which made what i am today. im very sure he is in heaven, blessing me as life is really smooth these years, no major crisis i should say. and results are getting better. but could be better.
if without my grandfather, what would be me today. a school dropout.? or some no life kid hanging outside home hoping for his death. or even gangs?
if without my parents, will i even live some comfortably? will i even to gradulate from secondary school?
if without my relatives and cousins, who is there to give me support, who is there to show me life, who im gonna persue to beat the target( which is impossible to)
if without my friends( or should i say the friends i know), will i be able to know whats life,will i be who i am today,or someone you might detest.
if you think your life sucks, think again. without the people around you will it be suckier? or even worse to the extreme.
thats one of the reason why am i such an optimistic person despite the changes in my life, from fallen sand to quicksand and thus able to walk on land straight.
so many thoughts to think, to think of your parents provide you, an i always yearn for more. is thats what resulted me today. this stage in life causing my parents working to death. they should be enjoying life rather than feeding me .
10 years from now, im not going to smoke, drink im going to be filial to my parents and loyal to my friends. in repay of what they have done. so my living motto now is live and NOT forget.
haha. suddenly able to typed so much crap. sorry for making you all read these junks. its just a random thought in my mind of i couldnt sleep. even though i shouldnt cry, and i did.
if you think this is really junk please dont mind, cause its just a thought in my mind. pardon me i really need to type it out. (: your sincerely, alvin
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